I wonder if you can relate? My daughter and I love each other so much and I really understand her. That’s great, right? I feel lucky. But sometimes I wonder how our long-term friendship will pan out because we don’t have a lot in common and we don’t love the same things. Is there enough family time in our lives? I’ve tried to get her to garden with me and she’s tried to get me to plan and shop for parties with her. Neither of us is all that successful.
There's a planner in me. There's a flower lover in her. But maybe we’re both just a bit too much for each other? Too passionate? Creating time on a regular basis, digging deeper into each other’s favourite pastimes, doesn’t happen because it doesn’t work. I interrupt us and start doing something that needs to be done. Folding laundry becomes important. It’s way easier on my brain than planning a party or experimental baking. And my daughter? She gets out fast. She outright runs away. This makes me sad.
In the midst of a busy family life there’s nothing to ensure close relationships better than creating routines of togetherness. I feel like I’m failing with my daughter. My husband and I try to have a date night every Saturday night. I read to the kids every single evening before bed. I’ll still be doing this when they’re twenty! My son snuggles in close, this is sacred time to him, but my daughter multi-tasks. She’s on the other side of the room playing lego or even reading another book. She can’t stay on task that long.
Do you see I just wrote “that long”? What if I let go of my fantasies of my daughter and I planting an entire garden together? What if I let go of my guilt about not spending 1 whole hour pouring over party details? I think I’ve found the key! That’s it! Because, personally, I don’t sign up for an 1 ½ hour long yoga class. I know I’ll resent the time, I feel too busy, and I’ll stop going. But I will happily plan on 30 minutes of yoga at home in my bedroom - and if it turns into only 15 minutes? Oh, well! I’ve still gained more than I would have if I’d checked my social media, say, instead of doing yoga.
So, I’ve recently embraced a special morning routine with my daughter we both love. While we wait for her bus, just a few short minutes every day, we go into my greenhouse. She taps the water off the propagation domes and lifts them to discover magical sprouting seeds below. I point elsewhere to what’s in bud and what’s in bloom (it’s tulips at the moment) and ask her to see the progress of the many seedlings. It’s important to me to share what I love. I can’t keep that joy alone inside. She quickly looks and DOES love what she sees. But there’s no pressure on her for a long, drawn out gardening task or talk. The arriving bus makes sure of that. We dash out the greenhouse door together, out the garden gate, and she jumps on her bus. We feel connected. It was short but satisfying, too. It was just enough.
Is there anywhere in your life where you could ease up on the pressure of how much time you give? Ten minutes at your journal? 30 minutes to a new hobby? Put a limit on the length of a monthly phone call? So that you do get the chance to connect. To connect with yourself or with someone else. Most importantly, without feeling overwhelmed. Let me know! Head over to my post on Instagram and please share! Because we all learn something and we all feel inspired when we swap stories.
Wishing you the very best, right now,
Chwynyn
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